I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
