Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
