Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
