I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
