i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
