My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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