I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
