Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize