she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
