I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
