If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
