He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hippo gnu deer
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is there bacon in the couch?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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