I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
