I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
