But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
