I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
