dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We have so much sex to catch up on
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
