i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize