Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize