i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
