Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who died my cat blue again?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
