WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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