He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
