your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She bit a glass in half.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize