gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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