i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
