yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
