You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
