My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize