you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
