How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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