I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
