Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't deserve a penis
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
