I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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