I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
