Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
