turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
