Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
