Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We left an ass print on the piano.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
