I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Four minutes until I can fart!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize