You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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