When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
