So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
