seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
