just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
