Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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