True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize