I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
