South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
