Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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