is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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