i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
