My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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