In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
