Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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