Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
