You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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