There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
