then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize