i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
