when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
