She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I said "one day" and that day is not today
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
