my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
