I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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