we were pretty classy up until the second keg
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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