dude i'm inner monologue high
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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