There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think my moral compass just broke
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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