***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
