so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
