He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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