Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
