I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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