I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
