this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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