guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
