You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
