Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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