I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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