I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
