Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
