I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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