I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
