in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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