He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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