at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
