i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
