That's when you crack a 10am beer
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
