I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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