He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
