I just saw a hot homeless man
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
did i just pee glitter
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