When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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