my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I deserve this hangover.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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