fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need water and some morals
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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