it hurts more in the daytime
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
