well you can't waste a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
